Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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