You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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