Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
