I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize