woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Your penis caused this!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
