also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
