I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
