I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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