We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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