we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize