Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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