my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
