Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
