all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
