i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
