She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
We're hate flirting, damnit.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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