How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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