He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
