when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I will pee on everything he values.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
