you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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