so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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