i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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