The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
