i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
