you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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