I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
