I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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