at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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