woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Of course I have a pirate flag
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
