A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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