pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
