The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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