I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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