Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
