I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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