I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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