she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
