I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize