He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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