Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
