what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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