as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
