community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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