I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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