im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
