this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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