there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize