did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
