I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Randomize
