I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
