i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
