I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
