And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
