I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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