We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
