do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
