Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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