You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
