Someone shit on the floor
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
