After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
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