Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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