Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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