the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
