it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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