He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It's never too late to be topless.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
