Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
