VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Edward fifth and chaser hands
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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