who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
