I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
